Hetalia Units Invade
by PerryThePlatypusFan
Summary: As the sweat poured down my face and back, I wondered how I'd gotten myself into this mess! Oh, yeah...A stupid pop-up quiz on the internet! Thinking back, I wondered why I'd even filled the stupid thing out in the first place! R&R please. T for safety.
1. And So It Begins

**A/N: **Alright everyone, this is my new story based off of LolliDictator's manuals. Go to her profile now and read them! NOW! And thus begins my adventures with the Hetalia units!

CHAP. I: AND SO IT BEGINS...

As the sweat poured down my face and back, I wondered _how_ I'd gotten myself into this mess! Oh, yeah...A stupid pop-up quiz on the internet! Thinking back, I wondered why I'd even filled the stupid thing out in the first place! Mom had always told me never to fill out the pop-up ads! And what did I do? I filled the damned thing out! Now I was running toward the entrance to Moscow to stop a crazy ex-nation from starting the next Cold War!

This was gonna be the hardest thing I'd ever done! Sure, my hero, Jack Bauer, could do it in 24 hours! I had less than an hour! If I were successful after the next 60 minutes, I would _so _need a shower! Or a nice hot bath.

-SEVERAL WEEKS PREVIOUSLY-

I was surfing the web, looking at art on DeviantART, roleplaying as my OC Ireland on Facebook and dA alike. Then, in the middle of replying to some of Scotland's antics on dA, a pop-up ad came up. Seeing Italy's face, I immediately let out a scream. Luckily the parents were out in a town like 3 hours away for some neurological dealio.

Why did I suddenly scream like a rabic fangirl? Because the text on the ad read: WIN YOUR OWN FREE HETALIA UNITS! I immediately clicked on it due to my fangirl urges. I breezed through the questions, and only got stumped on the "Do You Have Adequate Home and Health Insurance?" question. After some digging through my parents' papers, I typed in a yes, and hit send. While I waited for the results, I continued my web surfing.

In the dA rp, Ireland started putting the moves on for Austria, when the results popped up as quickly as a shimeji downloads with broadband! ...Which I am stuck with stupid dial-up. Damn house being in the middle of nowhere. Reading the text, I immediately let out another fangirl scream. I HAD EFFING WON! The first delivery would be at my house as quickly as a Blockbuster DVD arrives after you move it to the top of the queue! ...Oh my God, that's a mouthful.

So, I got off the internet and danced around my room with an invisible person. I flopped down on my bed, smiling like a crazy person! This is the best thing that ever happened to me! At least, until the units came...

-2 DAYS LATER-

I had gotten home from school. My homework was already done, and all my stuff was dropped on the couch. Mom was snoozing when I saw it. A truck...with the Magical Flying Mint Bunny on it! Magical Flying Mint Bunny deliveries? Seriously? I burst out the door and charged over to the delivery guy before he'd even got the crate out! Damn, he was cute. And a red-head, like me! And he looked about 20! Damn, _I_ looked 20 as well! I was only a Sophomore!

I was too busy staring at his adorable face to notice he was holding out that electronic pad-thingy. I took it and did whatever I needed to do and handed it back to him. He smiled and asked, "Where should I put this?" motioning toward the crate.

"In the back yard, please. Can't have passersby witness the craziness about to ensue." I replied with a chuckle.

The guy chuckled as well, moving the crate to the back, handing me a small box and a manila envelope. Damn, those are so cool, all World War Two-y. I followed him to the yard, setting the box down on the lawn chair. I opened the envelope as he set the crate up, top side up, looking like a monolith. Delivery guy left for the truck and drove off as I read the name. My heart instantly did a backflip. _IVAN BRAGINSKI: User Guide and Manual._

You're. Kidding. THE Ivan Braginski? I repressed a fangirl squee and flipped through the manual. Bodyguard this, yandere that, kolkolkol my pants...Ok, done! I looked at the crate, and grinned. I looked at the methods of waking him up, and the first one seemed by far the best. A scared Russia is always an adorable Russia! He's so cute all the time! Alright, now to business. I went so close to the crate I could smell the wood, and whispered in my best Belarus imitation: "Брат~!"

Almost instantly I could hear crying. I quickly unlocked the box and opened it. Ivan was crying and shaking and looking extremely adorable while cringing. I couldn't help but smile. I quickly hid it as he opened his eyes and looked at me. God, those violet eyes were just darling! He whimpered a little, then his eyes widened, a smile speading across his face.

"Ah...You are not Natalia, _da?_" he half-whispered, still a little frightened.

I smiled back, shaking my head. "Nope. My name is Brandie Delanie. So nice to meet you."

I held out my hand, he held out his, we shook hands. Damn, his hands were freezing! I walked back over to the smaller box, picking it up, and stuffing the manual into my jacket. I gestured for him to follow me, and as I went inside I could've sworn I heard him 'kolkolkol...' I went momentarily pale, setting the box on the kitchen table. At this point I was hungry and suspected he was as well, so I went over to the fridge and got out my well-earned tub of cookie dough.

Ivan was still smiling, eyeing the tub. I stared at it as well, wondering why it was so fascinating to him. I set it on the computer desk, completely forgetting of the library book written completely in Russian on the shelf next to it! While I went to get a spoon for the yummy dough-ness, I heard pages flipping. When I got back in the room, there was Ivan, sitting in my dad's chair, reading the book as if it were his very favorite. I smiled.

I popped open the cookie dough, slipping myself into the computer chair. I ate up spoonful after spoonful of cookie dough, forgetting Ivan was there. When I felt an icy cold hand on my shoulder and a deep "Kolkolkol..." I freaked out.

The Irish in me made me depressed for some reason at this moment, and I moaned and slammed my head against the desk. Just when I had started up my Russia shimeji program. Ivan looked at me, asking, "You're alright, _da?_"

I only moaned in response, clicking the Russia shimeji and throwing him across the screen. Ivan 'kol'd while I played with the shimeji, as if he didn't like what I was doing. "Abusing a miniature me is necessary, _da?_"

I spun around in the chair, my swinging legs nearly knocking him over. "Shut up, this is _my_ house, MY rules. Got it? I can do whatever I want, you can't tell me what to do!"

Jeez, I forgot I was in PMS. I hope he doesn't hold this against me... "Kolkolkolkolkolkolkol..." ...I guess he does. Crap, it's only been like, what, 5 minutes? And I've already pissed him off! I shouldn't 've filled out that form just before my period! Ah, well. What's done is done.

That night was the worst EVER! Ivan had messed with some crap on the DVD/VCR player and broken it, and because I told him to stay out of my parents' sight, _**I**_ had to take the heat for it! No computer for a week, no TV for a month? DAMN IT TO HELL, IVAN! The second I got into my room, I pulled him out of the closet and punched him smack in the face. I heard him 'kol' again, but I didn't effing care. I flung myself onto my bed, sobbing. He'd only just ruined my life.

Ivan stood there for a while before sitting on my bed. Feeling the dip in the mattress, I looked up at him. His nose was bleeding a little, but he was still smiling. Was it just me or was he looking a little sorry for his actions? Still mad that I'd lost half my social life for a week, I continued crying into my pillow. I shivered a little at first when I heard his voice whispering in Russian.

Then I felt his hand rubbing my back, picking me up and pressing me to him. Wow, is he trying to make me feel better? I guess he can't stand to hear a little girl cry. I figured he was singing some Russian lullaby, because, damn I was tired all of a sudden. Mmm, his scarf is so soft...I'm so tired...

I woke up wearing the same thing as last night, but with my head using a certain Russian's shoulder as a pillow. Ivan was letting out quiet snores, still asleep. I slowly slipped away from him, blushing. He'd been hugging me all night? Jeez, maybe being PMS payed off. Maybe I should be pissed off and cry more often around him. Now who would be shipped over today? I heard there were deliveries every day or every other day.

I quickly kissed Ivan on the cheek and bounced off to see if the cute delivery guy was back with another box!

The next chapter... CHAP. II: GET THIS EFFING PERV OFFA ME!


	2. Get This Effin' Perv Offa Me!

**A/N:** Soooo sorry for the late update! /shot/ Thank you for the reviews~ Oh an' I's sorry...I forgot what I made them say in Russian and Korean and Swedish...Sorrryyyyyyy! /cries like italy/ Now the story!

CHAP. II: GET THIS EFFING PERV OFFA ME!

Sure enough, cute red-head delivery guy was there with yet another box. Who it contained I was both dreading and looking forward to finding out. I again signed the pad-thingy and had him place it in the back yard. Ivan watched from the shadows this whole time, 'kol'ing into next year. Wait—WHAT? When did HE wake up? Ivan looked like he wanted to storm the cute delivery guy. It was probably the Mint Bunny truck.

I opened the manila envelope and blanched reading the name. "Oh, ffffffffu..."

I was doomed. Doomed, doomed, DOOMED! _YONG-SOO IM: User Guide and Manual_ was the book title. I whacked myself with the manual, wishing to die right there and then. Unfortunately, it could not be avoided. After reading the manual, I asked Ivan to stand behind me. I shouted at the top of my lungs, "ARU!"

Ducking quickly, I scooted off to let Ivan deal with the crazy Korean. The box lid flew off and toward Ivan. Not expecting this, he didn't react in time and was hit in the stomach by the wooden thing. But, damn, he's built like one of his tanks so all he did was grunt a little! "YOUR BREASTS BELONG TO ME, DA-ZE!"

"Что, черт возьми?" I heard Ivan shout in Russian. Unfortunately, I didn't know Russian. So I wondered what the hell he was saying. Then I turned to see Yong-Soo squinting at Russia, brow furrowed in confusion. "Jamkkan man-yo, da-ze! You're not hyeongje jung-gug, da-ze! Dangsin-eun daeche nugueyo, da-ze?"

Again, I didn't know what the fudge muffins and pie he was saying! I decided to interrupt before they kept saying stuff I didn't know. With a language I knew well, as it's part of my heritage. "Håll käften, båda två! Jag är inte Kanada, vet du!"

They both looked at me as if I was from Mars. I glared at them both. "Ivan, Yong-Soo, just shut the fudge muffins up!"

I immediately was felt up by the Korean, who again was screaming about breasts belonging to him. "THEN GO TO A BREAST CANCER PREVENTION FUNDRAISER OR SHIT LIKE THAT!" I screamed back.

I fought to get his hands off me, screaming bloody murder at him. I heard the clang of metal on a cranium, and Yong-Soo dropped like a stone. In but a few seconds, he had the biggest knot on his head I ever did see! Turned out Ivan was my savior there, saving me from groping hell. I immediately rewarded him with a martini I'd made earlier. Ivan seemed happy, probably because it had vodka in it. We don't use gin in my house.

Thankfully, Ivan had no hard feelings with me letting him get hit by a box lid. Yong-Soo woke up after a while, and became the most annoying aspect of my life. I had to face getting groped practically every time I turned around, and Ivan always ended up having to pry the crazy Korean off of me. Eventually, I got sick of Yong-Soo and locked him in the basement. Now he can get scratched up by my crazy bastard of a cat! Yay!

Ivan got hungry, so I called up Pizza Hut for a cheese stuffed crust pizza delivery. 3 boxes, because, damn I was hungry too! Of course, it was all on me. When dad got home and mom woke up, they had to go somewhere for the next week. Wait...that meant I had the house to myself! HELL YEAAAAAAAH! When they'd left, the pizza guy quickly arrived. Woohoo, party tiiiime! Of course, I wasn't letting Yong-Soo out of the basement any time soon. He could starve for all I cared. I opened the box of pizza to start serving it up. Ivan eyed the pizza curiously. "What is that?"

"It's pizza, with a stuffed crust of cheese!" I sang out.

Ivan blinked and looked at it closer. "Looks good, da~ Could I have some?"

I smiled, picking up a slice and holding it up to him. He looked at it for a few moments, but finally got it. He smiled back, biting into the tip of the slice. I waited until he looked buzy chewing before setting the slice on a plate and handing it to him. He seemed to have enjoyed that little moment. Then who would ruin it but... "YOUR BREASTS BELONG TO MEEEEEE, DA-ZE!"

Mr. Groper. I immediately let out a scream of "Aaaah! Släpp mig du galen koreanska pervers!"

As usual, Ivan rescued me with a bonk to Yong-Soo's noggin. At least there was someone I liked here. While Yong-Soo took another little nap in the basement, Ivan and I enjoyed our stuffed crust pizza and (in Ivan's case) vodka. Of course, when he woke up, we were barraged by his constant whining. Ivan pulled out his faucet pipe again, muttering _"kolkolkolkolkol..."_ under his breath. Honestly, I wished I had a gun so I could kneecap the stupid groping Korean. I was glad Ivan was around, really. He seemed to really like me.

The next day, I had to go to school. That morning was absolutely chaotic! Yong-Soo was whining, Ivan was doing his whole "kolkolkol" dealio, and I was pissed off! Damn, why did my head hurt? Oh, yeah...Yong-Soo was now yelling in my FRICKIN' EAR! "AAAAAH I'M HUNGRYYY! PAY ATTENTION TO ME! YANG BRANDIE, I'M HUNGRYYYYYY!"

That was it. He was going out. NOW. Luckily, I had kept the box. I'd deal with him after school, though. Little did I know that when I came back, I'd end up with yet another unit to live with. This one actually of use around the house!

Next time...CHAPTER THREE: VODKA, GUNS AND GROPING, OH MY!


End file.
